Have you ever woken up reborn?
With someone you don't recognize suddenly telling you what to do
And introduced to someone who shall be your partner
To both be on the stage
Into the world of performers
Somehow I didn't hate that life
Just staring at the crowd
Somehow I thought as long as I'm not stolen of my pride
I could make it fine
Eyeing my partner, I felt angry
Why is se the only one who knew
Hes past, hes everything
While I'm just someone found lying on the riverbanks
Why wasn't anyone trying to find me...
I woke up to a blue sky that didn't feel familiar
And lived with people I never knew
I didn't understand who or what they were
Though they treated me like family
I knew I was a merchandise
I've got to break away
But that partner was always looking through me
As if knowing I'll be gone anytime
You don't understand
You're not the one without memories
I said that without a bit of sympathy for hem who was just trying to help
You don't understand
You're not the one who has to crossdress and no one knows nor cares
I'm the one who's standing as an inexisting idol
You'd never understand
Then I saw that helplessness in those eyes
Perhaps I was wrong?
But I didn't care
Days to weeks finally turned to years
Really I was abandoned
Amnesiac as I am, no one was even searching
Who was I? Some kind of introvert?
Somehow I wasn't sick of that life
But I needed something to hold on to
There was nothing to justify
Whether what I was facing is reality or not
They just know how to get what they want
They never cared
To them I was just another emotionless doll
Somehow I didn't hate it
Somehow I managed to hide unreasonable tears
Till the day se grabbed me by the shirt and yelled
That the future is in my own hands
Still I just glared back
One day I went by the river I was found
Calculating the way I came years ago
Perhaps an accident? I tried searching
But there was no one on the missing list
Then what was I
A gift from heaven like they said?
Rubbish
Years being together, yet I never knew
When we were there in one room
And some things went clear
That I wasn't the only one enduring this fake performance
But I still felt bitter
Because se still had hes share of memories
While I still ponder and wonder
Once I get mine back, I'll definitely leave
And will never return
Not ever
Even if se made that happy pretense
Somehow I knew our meeting was fated
When se led us astray into a far away city
And I see things that were familiar
Forgetting time I ran
Towards places I used to know, reconstructing every piece of memory
To the place I used to live
Seeing faces I used to call by names
It was so near
But it wasn't there
Why?
Why are things so cruel?
Why wasn't there anything to tell my memory was real
As expected
Nothing came out of the net
Straining my eyes onto the monitor, I sighed
Maybe it was time to give up
If things weren't here
Then there was no use to chase
Everything was so pathetic
Please give me something sure to hold on to, I prayed
To whom, I didn't know
But someone must know
Someone must understand
There must be someone who's able to heal
And that's not my partner, standing outside the door
I decided to mess things up
In front of live cameras, to let everyone know
So that someone could response and tell me
Tell me that they were looking for me
But I ended up with fakers
I knew that was gonna happen
But I had to try
Just wanted to give it a shot
Then se whispered to me
"Don't give up"
Somehow it gave me strength
Those nights I dreamt of my previous years
The ones before I drifted into this world of entertainment
And the ones with my partner by my side
It wasn't bad to be involved in this business
But to know hem was a big mistake
I should've refused it the first time
I knew I could
Things are miraculous
When I realized, we spent 10 years together
As the forever young teens
But this world will come to an end
Our fans might stay loyal
But the time will come for us to step down
And then we will be apart for real
For the first time
I thought that sounded sad
The place I used to live stood before me
It wasn't the same, but it was here, I knew
I snuggled beneath the roof waiting
For a familiar face to suddenly pop out of nowhere
So that I could be rid of this new world
So that I know I wasn't alone
But no one came
Even as snow keeps falling
No one I knew went by
Except for my partner who came looking for me
Se didn't tell me to go home
Se sat beside me and waited with me
"I don't understand" se said
"Of course you don't" I snapped
And I ignored the rest of hes words
Have you ever found yourself reborn?
Found somewhere and taught to be something
Then you discover that you lost something
A lot of things
But you'll never find them back
Have you ever known what it's like to be lonely?
I wished I could just disappear
There was nothing more that I wanted
Except for this small hope in my heart
It said that things will be alright
Things aren't alright!
The next second I found myself on an unknown road
With hem walking close behind
As if looking over me
Waiting for me to decide to stop these useless acts
Knowing fully well I won't
We just kept on walking
Then I was running away from hem
I wanted to be alone
Se knew that, yet se chased after me
Just go away already! I wanted to scream
But I said
"Take me home"
I never checked our homepage
There wouldn't be any more than fans' loves and kisses
And fake confessions of knowing my past
One day my partner was torn away to be with someone else
For some reason I was able to laugh
"Now forget everything" I said
It was cruel
But I didn't want anymore
Even with my new partner
I never told my story
Enough, I thought
Just enough with this insanity
What a long time wasted
On a sunny photography session
Se came and showed me a VCD
"Come to my place and we'll watch together" said se
"Why would I?" I got angry again
I thought this could be my last kindness
When I stepped into the room
But the video was already running
And I saw what I wanted to see for so long
Faces and voices that were familiar
And the me I used to know
So it was real after all
Have you ever had someone who'd arrange a concert
Just so you could connect to people you lost
My ex-partner did it without asking
And I was able to take off that mask
But I didn't go back to where I used to be
Glad and enough to just know they were real
And more than that
I finally realized
That someone was waiting
So patiently always standing near by
Somehow
I couldn't hate hem
***
A random dream
